The 1001 Mask of Luke Jno Charles

Mask of pain part 1
What makes you tick? (Growing pains)

I’ve met hundreds of people in my life, most of them love me, some of them can’t stand me, and the rest? Well let’s just say…, the rest doesn’t know what to think of me. That’s perfect I like it like that. I understand that I have created that. Maybe that is what I needed.

At this point before I go any further I would like to explain why, I am pouring my heart out on paper. It is because of several people actually. You see my job allows me to meet lots of people and as such I share my stories with them and after hearing so many comments I decided that I should listen. It was Andy Alton, met him where I work at the regent’s college, he was telling me goodbye and it was so heart felt I almost cry, although I fought hard not to show it. William, my old friend William, who told me I should write my life down in a book, he would buy it. So there you go that is why I am doing this, sharing my story if you will.

So first step growing pains, I should think that every child that is born knows nothing of the world. But from the first slap from the doctor bringing that child to life, he or she starts to learn and react and grow. It’s a pity that most every child started their life out in violence. I mean please come on, what is up with slapping the new born baby’s ass. Talk about child abuse right there. Surely they have come up with a new way of making sure that baby is alive, by now.

So as you could have guess, the person who I have become is linked directly to my childhood. You can ask me what my childhood was like. Go on, I dare you. I personally don’t think I had a happy childhood, but strange as it may seem I would not change it if I have to. I think when I was a child I was scared of everything, seriously I was scared of my own shadow.

I was born of a young mother who never understood the meaning of birth control. The will be moments in my later years when I would ask her why did she not abort me, but that’s for another time. My mother was young like I said, so she was still living her youth, so obvious solution, have someone else raise me. That is where my grandmother steps in and my life in the Caribbean begins.

The beautiful island of Dominica, commonwealth of Dominica to be exact. Quite to often people thinks it’s the Republic of Dominica or Santo Domingo. No this is a little gem of an island between Guadeloupe and Martinique. An English speaking island surrounded by two French islands. Lush tropical forest, 365 rivers, blue sea, black sand beaches, a boiling lack at the top of an old volcano. In short heaven on earth, but like every paradise its counter part was needed and I guess to me that counter part was the hell of a life I was leaving and the things I had to deal with.

Physical abuse by your loved ones, getting beaten up, loneliness and more. No one knows this but did you know that as a child I suffered a bad case of malnutrition. My belly had swell so much I looked no different than one of the poor children they use in the save Africa advert. That is why to this day I am very self conscious about my stomach. Lets not forget the biggest of all, my sexuality.
As a child I didn’t know what or who I was, but I was effeminate, actually quite a lot so. Of course it didn’t take long for me to be called all the horrible names you can think of, fag, fairy, shit pusher, and I will spare you the rest. But when I look back at it you know what I found sad about that? Is that all those names that I was being called I didn’t really know what they meant exactly, I just knew they were bad. Simply by the way they were said, it’s like I physically felt the significance of the words and their social impact on me, before I could even understand the meanings. Obviously today I consider myself a bi sexual more than anything else, I revindicate (claim, demand, require, claiming, request, assert) it even. The other thing that was sad, it was not just kids my age it was everyone, adults as well. When you’re a child you expect adults to protect you. That was not the case in my situation.

You know what hurt the most in that period of my life? My bigger brother, Dunstan Peters. You see he was very popular, and had quite a following, but I don’t remember him once defending me, it’s the in action that I find hard. Over the years I’ve learnt that my brother is the one who needs defending and he could not have done anything to help me.
I guess who I am today started with all the pain, like a caterpillar in a cocoon struggling to immerge. Immerge I will.

Anyway enough with the water works. I’ll let you know I escaped some of that because I went to live with this lovely lady who is going to have a huge impact on my life. And as I continue to tell you the rest of my story you will learn to understand the 1001 masks of Luke Jno Charles.